Noah Fielding, Ryan's father, is a werewolf working under the archfey Valeera. She sends him on a mission to the Material Plane, where he meets and marries a human woman named Abilene.
Year 0
Ryan is born to Noah and Abby Fielding of Archenbridge. Noah stays home with the baby while Abby continues to work at the family textile business.
Year 3
After a little over three years of skirting duties, Noah is found out and returned to the Feywild. Abby doesn't know this, and thinks he's been kidnapped or worse.
Year 5
Abby has rejoined the faith of Lathander and prays for her husband's return. She constructs a shrine in the family home in order to do so more often.
Year 8
Ryan is a scrawny child with few friends, who feels out of place among his fellow townspeople. However, he is not picked on and is well loved by his family. He chooses to spend his time in equal parts at the library, and wandering the forest.
Year 15
Noah's adventuring party seeks Ryan out; although they can't tell him what happened to his father, they help train him to become an adventurer. (Later it would be revealed that Noah had sent them himself, and that they had been under duress from Valeera to not say too much, only to make sure that Ryan grew into a capable adventurer.) Believing that they are there to fulfill what they knew to be his father's wishes, Ryan feels an immediate connection with these people, and he learns a great deal from them.
Year 17
Ryan happens upon an injured she-wolf and her puppies. In exchange for finding safe homes for her puppies, she allows him to take her tooth and pelt, and becomes his animal totem.
Year 18
With three years of solid training under his belt, Ryan has learned a number of skills conducive to adventuring: combat techniques, how to get along with others, how to keep a proper journal, and basic survival skills. He has taken up the halberd, and sets out on his own quest, to find his father. It's a painful goodbye, having never been away from his mother for very long, but the desire he feels to travel is even greater. Abby is proud of her son.
Year 19
After a year of travel, Ryan has found his stride: he travels from place to place on whatever information he can get on his father's whereabouts, often finding work as a courier, that helps him get from place to place while making a little pocket money. He also works odd jobs, and learns how to exchange intimate favors for secrets.
Towards the end of the year, Ryan meets a rogue named Loren Graybriar. Loren is a cousin to the Cassalanter family, a Waterdhavian noble house that made their fortune in banking, money-lending, and rumor-mongering. He fled his family, finding that their methods clashed with his morals, but although he was versed in espionage and sneaking about, he lacked in terms of brute strength. He accosts Ryan on the road, demanding protection until the next city. Ryan agrees, and later lets him know that he would have helped either way.
Year 21
Loren and Ryan travel together, during which time Ryan develops his first romantic feelings towards Loren, though they agree to keep things casual. They work together, with Ryan providing protection, and Loren gathering leads for Ryan that he wouldn't have been able to get otherwise. These leads eventually lead to them parting ways on good terms. Ryan still misses Loren from time to time.
Year 24
Running low on funds, and finding himself at a dead end, he stops in the city of Neverwinter, where he meets a bard named Asher Hoult. Asher takes Ryan in and while living together, they develop a romantic relationship. This lasts for about 7 months before a lead turns up, and Ryan feels that he must seek it out.
Year 25
Traveling south on his next lead, Ryan meets a druid named Sage, and his wolf companion Lowell. They travel together for a short period of time. Sage imparts some of his wisdom on Ryan, believing that love is as important as food, water, and shelter. Ryan realizes the mistake he's made in leaving Asher, and turns around, without seeing the lead out to its end.
By the time he gets back to Neverwinter, he finds that Asher has already moved on. Although Ryan understands his reasons for doing so, it leaves him feeling angry and bitter. He doubles down on his quest, and grows aggressive over the coming months, as he becomes depressed over his own failure.
Year 26
Shortly after his 26th birthday, Ryan is kidnapped by the fey.
Abilene Fielding (mother) Ryan shares a very close relationship with his mother. After Noah left, it was up to her to raise him, and she instilled him with all the values of the Fielding family.
Noah Fielding (father) A werewolf from the feywild. Adopted his wife's family name upon getting married, due to the matriarchal organization of the family, and because wolves don't really have a need for human surnames. (Weirder things have happened in fantasy world.)
Loren Graybriar (lover/traveling companion) A cousin to the Cassalanter family of Waterdeep, Loren shirked his family obligations and ran off to become an adventurer. He fell into the life of a Rogue, though always had trouble at it-- not for lack of skill, but lack of heart. He's a good boy deep down who doesn't really want to hurt people.
Asher Hoult (ex-boyfriend) A Bard who calls Neverwinter home. Puts off a lackadaisical front, but has a deep passion for both his music and for people. His big motivation in making music is to see people smile.
The bow limbs creaked as Ryan drew back the string, taking aim for the target in the distance. Loosing the string and letting the arrow fly, he held the bow up for a few seconds more, as if continuing to aim would help him to hit the target. As he lowered it, he could spot the brightly-colored fletching signalling that his arrow had missed its mark and had embedded itself in a nearby tree.
"I'm sorry. It's just not clicking." Ryan looked Cooper straight in the eyes, as he often did; there was an unspoken exchange between them, and Cooper sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck.
"Alright. Then let's see about getting you a different weapon."
Ryan nodded, handing the bow back over, and fetching his wayward arrows, before heading back to the log cabin that made up his temporary home in the woods. Calling it a cabin didn't really do it much justice-- it was a spacious, three-floored affair if you included the basement, with plenty of living space, richly furnished with textiles and furniture from goodness knew where. The two of them descended together into the basement, where the bow and its arrows were placed back on a rack, and Ryan's eyes grazed over the remaining weapons.
It wasn't a particularly well-stocked armory, but it was enough to get them by. Most of it was brought back from their previous adventures, some of it dirty, much of it in need of repair. He ran his hand over the hilts of a few swords, a mace, an axe, and finally an old iron halberd, desperately in need of polishing and sharpening, but otherwise in sturdy condition. He picked it up, tested its heft; it felt good in his hands.
"What about this one?" He turned to see Cooper staring at him, rubbing his chin, brow raised in amusement.
"Your old man used a halberd too, you know." He shrugged his shoulders, shrugging away a wistful look in the process. "Not surprised you'd pick it up too. Come on, let's go get it cleaned up and give it a try."
Ryan's eyes moved up and down, up and down, watching as Loren tossed a dagger into the air and then caught it, repeating several times over. It was mesmerizing, and it was only made more entertaining as Loren once more tossed the dagger upwards, little too high this time, and was forced to expertly pull his hand out of the way as it came down point first. Ryan snorted.
"Oh, yeah. Very funny, let's see you juggle, huh?" Loren scoffed, but he was laughing too.
"Alright." Ryan shrugged. "Hand it here."
Loren stared incredulously for a moment, but then held the dagger out handle first. "Alright but you're probably going to hurt yourself."
Ignoring the snide comment, Ryan took the dagger, testing its weight and balance with intent. Satisfied with his appraisal, he tossed the dagger into the air and caught it by the handle as it came down again. This took a great deal of concentration and effort, but he had taken it as a challenge. He repeated this, counting out the number of tosses-- just enough to one-up Loren, before chucking it at a nearby tree, where it embedded into the bark.
"...showoff." Rolling his eyes, Loren hopped up, retrieving his dagger with some effort to pull it from the tree's trunk, then sheathed it again.
The sun had set, and the fire was going; the night was wearing on, and the crickets were chirping. Somewhere, a nightingale sang its song. Making a show of stretching, Loren doffed his gear, setting it down next to his bedroll, before turning his attention back to Ryan. Their camp was set, and there was little else to do this far out on the road, other than to enjoy each other's company. Loren, ever the opportunist that he was, had solved that problem not long after they'd started traveling together.
"Alright, you win." Loren brazenly invited himself to straddle Ryan's lap, sitting back just to watch as Ryan's head fell back in exasperation. "What, you don't want to collect your prize?"
"You are insatiable." And yet still, despite Ryan's feigned vexation, he smiled and slid his arms around Loren's waist, pulling him in closer.
Rain poured down as it had for the past hour, as Ryan made his way through the city gates. Puddles had collected in the cobblestone streets, and he sloshed through them carelessly. He was already soaked all the way through, so what did it matter? (And besides, it was kind of fun.) The streets were understandably deserted, though warm lights glowed from inside homes and buildings, the only testament to life. Stopping at a crossroads, Ryan looked around, trying to find the inn; seeing nothing that would hint to a place he could stay and dry off, he kept trudging through the streets, in hopes of finding something. He had to, eventually. What sort of town didn't have an inn?
He almost didn't hear it over the rain pounding at the stones, the gentle plucking of a stringed instrument. He glanced left, then right, then finally spotted him-- a man who looked about his own age, with dark, curly hair, his green eyes illuminated by the lantern on a small table next to him. He was seated under an awning, reclining in his chair, with a guitar in his lap, and he was watching Ryan intently as he picked out the chords.
"Uh." For a moment, Ryan wasn't sure what to say. He had never been shy, but he had been caught off guard, leaving him to stammer for a moment. Collecting himself, he gave a cordial wave, and stepped in closer. "Hello, I-- I'm sorry to bother. Do you happen to know the way to the inn?"
The man smirked, strummed a chord, then pulled the guitar strap over his head and set the instrument against the nearby wall. Standing up, he came to the edge of the awning, smiling jovially at Ryan through the curtain of run-off water.
"Sure do. Closest one's about a mile and a half that way." He pointed down a side street, then shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know if I'd bother trying, though. Tourist season. Just about everywhere is booked up."
Trying desperately to avoid looking too disappointed, he nodded curtly. "Well, thank you for the advice, but I have to try. Even a stable would be better than sleeping on the street at this point. I hope you have a--"
"Now, wait a minute, I wasn't done." Ryan was halfway to turning away, when the man interrupted. "I've got a couch that no one's using. Why don't you stay here?"
"You're a stranger." Ryan was about as blunt as he was observant.
"So's the innkeeper."
The man made a point. Ryan shrugged, and turned back again. "I would appreciate it, thank you. I'm Ryan."
"Name's Asher, now come on in before you catch your death out here."
Six months had passed, when Ryan had meant to stay a month or two at most. Just long enough to replenish his funds, and to search out new leads. Now, all the intel he'd gained was growing staler by the day. Something held him back, something that had tugged at his heart every time he tried to tell Asher that he was going to leave. His hesitation might cost him his lead, and yet still...
They had shared Asher's one-room apartment over the hat shop for the entirety of that six months. From that rainy day when Ryan had first arrived in town, there had been an undeniable spark between them. Asher was outgoing and street-savvy, and-- at least around him-- Ryan was still the shy boy from the riverside village. He liked listening to Asher play music, while he sat on the floor weaving bracelets and baskets and whatever else he fancied.
As they were laying in bed, Asher sprawled himself across Ryan's chest as he often did, and started drawing little circles against his skin.
"Hey. Ry."
Ryan opened one eye, and tried to look down at Asher, though he couldn't see much more than a mess of curly black hair. "Hmm?"
"Been thinkin'. What if we got a real house? Or a real apartment, anyway."
"You mean... together?" That was the obvious conclusion, but Ryan was too surprised by the proposition to say much else. If he had been drifting off to sleep before, he was wide awake now.
"That's the idea, yep." Asher tilted his head up, and he was smiling broadly, though Ryan heard it in his voice first.
But Ryan hesitated, and Asher sat up, Ryan following suit. Reeling, he tried to come up with one intelligent response, but thoughts were like sand slipping through his fingers. In an instant, the little world he had built for himself had started to crumble; he had always known he wouldn't stay forever, but he had tried not to think about it too much. Asher's proposition sounded a little too much like settling down, committing to something more than just... this.
He wanted to say yes. But he couldn't.
"I'm sorry." He finally managed to croak it out, and looked over just in time to see the disappointment wash over Asher's face. In that moment, his heart broke, and he thought about changing his mind, but... no. He'd left home for a reason, and Asher already knew that. It went unspoken that he would be leaving. "I'll come back, if I can."
"How long will you be gone?" The barest trace of hope in Asher's voice that again tempted Ryan. His heart was saying stay, but his mind was saying go. He had to go with what he knew was made sense.
"I don't really know."
Asher paused for a moment, then leaned in, pressing his forehead to Ryan's temple. "I can't wait forever, but if I'm still here, then..."
He trailed off there, unsure of what to say; the implication was clear, but words weren't coming easily. And when words wouldn't come to someone like Asher, who always had a quip or witty remark ready at the drop of a hat, then Ryan was no better off.
"Are you upset?" Ryan ventured, thinking that it might have been a foregone conclusion, but that it was better to ask.
There was another long pause before Asher curled his arms around Ryan's shoulder; Ryan in turn brought a hand up to run along his arm. "Of course I am. But I'm not going to let that ruin what time we have left together."
"...thank you."
The next day, Ryan made quick work of readying himself for the next leg of his journey. He didn't need much, just provisions, and to get his halberd sharpened. He would spend one more night, his stomach still sunk into his feet as he fought against the urge to just say to hell with it, and abandon his quest. Settle down. Start a family. Live out the rest of his life here. Even still, he was awake just as the sun started to peek over the horizon, and readied to depart. There were no words as he embraced Asher, kissed his forehead, and turned to leave. He dared not look back as he made his way towards the city gates; he wasn't sure his willpower could take the blow at this point, as fragile as it was.
That feeling would fade, the farther from the city he got, and the more he got back into the swing of adventuring. But it wouldn't go away, not completely. It nagged at him, especially in the darkest recesses of the night, when he would reach over, only find nothing but dew-soaked grass. Sometimes, he would see things in the markets stalls he passed by, and he would debate buying them to bring back with him, until he remembered he didn't even know if he would be going back. He moved on quickly in those moments.
There was a time when he had a traveling partner, a hunter and his wolf companion, which is what had attracted Ryan to him in the first place, and when it turned out that they were heading in the same direction, it seemed like the natural thing to do. There was safety in numbers, after all. Ryan would find Sage was a calming influence; he was down to earth but friendly, and he had a way of understanding Ryan when he couldn't even understand himself. It was in the dark nights when they were drifting off to sleep, during those hushed conversations, that Ryan learned something about himself that he'd been missing the whole time.
By the time Ryan found himself making his way back to the city, a year and then some had passed. He wasn't even sure Asher would still be there, but he had to try, and he had to hope. Hope had always been something was good at, if nothing else. And maybe this time, he could let himself be convinced to stay, to give up his quest and find a new meaning for life right here. He was already coming back, so it wouldn't be difficult.
His feet guided him to the little shop above which he'd resided almost on their own, walking a little faster as it came into sight. He pushed open the door, the familiar jingle of the bell alerting the shop keeper that someone had arrived. The shop keep looked up, and with wide-eyed surprise, slipped out from behind the counter to greet Ryan, clapping a hand to his shoulder.
"Ryan, my boy! I didn't think I'd ever be seeing you again, what brings you back here?" And then, without missing a beat, he added, "Have you decided to finally pick up something to cover that noggin of yours?"
"Ah, no. Hats aren't really... my thing... is Asher still living here?" If Ryan had a one-track mind, it was for a good reason.
"Well of course, but he's-- ah, there he is right now!"
The bell rang again, and this time Asher walked in, and for a moment Ryan saw the smile that had charmed him in the first place, only to see it disappear and be replaced by uncertainty.
"Oh." He seemed speechless. Ryan hated when Asher was speechless; after a moment, he swallowed and went on. "Hello again, Ryan."
"Uh. Hello?" It was Ryan's turn to be stumped, unable to respond to Asher's bewilderment. He had thought the response would be... a little more enthusiastic. The shop keeper was still there, watching the two with interest, until Asher finally waved Ryan out the door again.
"Let's walk and talk," Asher suggested as soon as the door was shut behind him, and Ryan could only nod, following along as Asher started a leisurely pace down the streets. They'd walked like this so many times before, but this was different. He was quiet for a long while, and Ryan dared not interrupt that silence, waiting to see what it was that he had to say. Asher's shoulders sagged, and he shook his head. "Don't really know an easier way to say this, so I'm just gonna go ahead and say it.
"Ryan, I have... I'm seeing someone else now. What we had was special, and I'll never have that again, but I can't dedicate the rest of my life to someone I can't trust to stick around."
It made Ryan sick to hear it but... it was understandable, he knew. In a split second, he was devastated, but it was such an obvious and reasonable thing for Asher to say. He wished he'd thought of that beforehand. It was his turn to walk in prolonged silence as he tried to think of what to say. So many things came to mind at first, trying to think of the logical course of action... but his heart was telling him something else.
And he had to listen to his heart this time.
"No. You're right. It's-- you deserve everything that I can't give you, and more. I really want you to have that."
And he meant it. He was hurt, but he meant it. With each passing day and night since he'd first left, he had slowly come to the conclusion that he loved Asher, truly and deeply. It was what had made him come back in the first place. But Asher had dreams and aspirations of his owns, the kind that Ryan hadn't been able to give that to him, not at the time. Now he was ready, but Asher had moved on, and Ryan couldn't find it in himself to blame him.
They stopped at the crossroads, and taking Asher by the shoulders, Ryan kissed his forehead, and tried to smile for him, one last time.
"Just take care of yourself. Promise me you'll take care of yourself, and be happy." Ryan wasn't even sure if he had the right to ask that much, but he had to try.
"Yeah. You too, okay?"
Ryan could still see the hurt on Asher's face; knowing he could do nothing to fix it was almost too much to bear, but he held himself together. After this, they might never see each other again, for good this time, and he didn't want to end it on a sour note. He was surprised when Asher embraced him, but it was like second nature to return the gesture. They stood like that in the crossroads for a little too long, before they finally parted again. This time, as Ryan's boots clapped heavily against the pacing stones, he turned back, only to see Asher turning down a side street in a hurry.
It was the last he saw of him.
Continuing on his way, Ryan walked past an inn, then past another. He kept walking down the road until it took him out of town, and then out of sight of the guard towers, well into the forest. Passers-by would later wonder what had happened in this clearing, devoid of saplings, and the tree trunks all bearing gouges and slash marks.
Levant (party member) A generally sneaky fuck. Has a cool owl, though. Ryan has been learning to get along with them a little better.
Vellora (party member) The only one of them who vaguely has her shit together. Likes plants and animals. Sometimes is a spider and that's okay because she's a friend.
Siggi (party member) Somehow manages to still have an astronomically large stick up his ass even after getting laid. Ryan really wants to like him, but they always seem to find something to be at odds about.
Valeera (mistress) Queen of the castle and a general pain in the ass. Ryan fully acknowledges, in no uncertain words, that he has agreed to be her bitch in perpetuity, and no longer gives any shits about fey tomfoolery. She might be a lich? Not sure. Don't care.
Julie (friend) Valeera's right hand and the only wholesome creature in this whole forsaken plane. Also happens to be a floating flaming skull, don't ask. Will protect at all costs.
Kessler ((boy?)friend) One of the very first people Ryan met in the Feywild, aside from his party members. Shared a candy apple with Ryan. It was love at first bite. Later provided Ryan with some crucial guidance that helped him settle into his new life. Their relationship has only recently become intimate; Ryan isn't 100% where they officially stand though.
Watto (chef/friend) The castle chef. A goblin. Ryan really likes him, because he gives Ryan food. He even made a self-serve candy apple station.
Alexa (librarian/friend) A ghost, and librarian as far as Ryan can tell. He's very thankful for the patience she shows towards them. He likes to help her out by doing heavy lifting.
[ At 10th level, Totem Warrior Barbarians gain the ability to cast commune with nature as a ritual, allowing them to communicate with the spirit of their totem animal. It provides tangible, helpful information. The below was canonized with DM's permission, despite being well before he learns the spell, due to the fact that it provided no mechanical benefit.
This takes place following a spat between Ryan and Levant, as well as Ryan discovering that one of his party members, and an NPC he fancies, were on opposing factions a few hundred years ago. ]
That night, Ryan goes into the woods. Not very far, still within view of the city if he goes around a tree or two, and he just wails on some trees with his second wind. This exhausts him to the point that he has to sit down for a moment. For him, he can’t tell if he falls asleep or not, but as he’s sitting there with his back to a tree, trying to catch his breath, he spots movement out of the corner of his eyes. From between the trees, a familiar creature appears: the spectral form of a she-wolf. The wolf mother Maia approaches slowly, sits at his feet and stares at him, expectantly.
Ryan watches her cautiously for a moment. Of course, a wolf can’t speak, but every time he’s communed with his totem, it’s like he simply knows what it is she wants to communicate to him.
What is on your mind, pup? She seems to ask.
Squeezing his eyes shut, Ryan leans his head back against the tree. “So many things.”
Tell me of the man you attacked.
“He disrespected me, he disrespected my father, he-- has no respect or care for anything but himself.” Even as he says these words, he can feel the anger being replaced by exhaustion. “What do I need to do? Can I even trust him?”
You cannot distrust him yet expect him to respect or follow you.
“I know, but--”
Respect is earned. What have you done to earn it?
Ryan exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Not enough.”
And what of the two adversaries?
“I… I thought I could trust Siggi, at least. To do the right thing. To let someone’s actions now speak for who they are, not something they may or may not have done over a century ago!”
What has he done, now that he knows?
“He hasn’t said he won’t hurt him, yet.”
That is not what I asked. I asked you what he has done, not what he has not done.
Ryan knows this, and he puts his face into his hands. He doesn’t so much hear the wolf stand and move closer, so much as he feels it, and when she leans in to sniff at his hands and forehead, it’s strange and ghostly but soothing all the same. Ryan lifts a hand to stroke her coarse fur.
My kind is often regarded for our intelligence. We do not act without the best understanding we can get. His reaction does not seem so extreme to me.
Knowing that what she says is true, Ryan says nothing; she lays down next to him, and he continues to stroke her head.
The paladin. You see him as a brother in arms?
“I do.” It’s been no more than a few weeks tops, but they’ve all been through so much together. It’s hard for Ryan to not feel that way.
And the assassin. You have feelings for him?
“I'm starting to.” His heart clenches, ; given enough time, who knows? It's only a faint interest, but he’d like a chance to see it through, in any case.
You care deeply for both, more than many would in a situation like this. So lead them down the path of peace, and lead by example.
[ written after spending some time in the Feywild ]
When I first came here, I thought it was because I wanted to find my father. And-- of course, I still do. Of course I do. I've been thinking about it more, though. Now that I know... more. And I think about what Sage told me. There's still much more I would like to know, and I would like to find him, yes. But what I've been given, I can learn to work with it. It's a relief, but I think I might have many amends to make. That's simply how things are, and I can't pretend otherwise.
Valeera remains as hard to read as ever. I know I should not concern myself with it too much, but I can't help thinking... what's really behind that facade? She doesn't make it easy to trust her, but knowing that she wants me too gives a way far more than it seems on the surface. I don't know if she knows that or not. That's the game though, isn't it? Well. Two can play it.
Still, I have to wonder if it's a lost cause to try with her. I suppose it doesn't hurt, at this point, since I intend to stay anyway. I can't say I'm much of a people person, but then again, she's not much of a people, either. She is something else. A new challenge.
Either way, I feel that it is my duty is to those who will come after me, to look after them, to be a rock for them to anchor themselves upon. I have long been looking for some sort of purpose, and I think I have found it. I still have a lot to work on, but I feel for once that I am on the right path.
We must prepare to leave now. I'd like to write more on this later. It feels... good. To write about how I feel again. I haven't felt for a while, I think.
Encountered some sort of beast-man. We were able to defeat him but not in the most graceful of manners. If Vellora hadn't managed to throw him off the tower, I don't know if we would have won the fight. Still... I regret having done this. I feel like there is something he could have told me, though I don't know what. We buried him in the forest. He held a necklace similar to my own, so I kept it, in honor of his memory. I couldn't explain why, but it felt like the right thing to do.
[ before committing to a life in the Feywild, Ryan visits home one last time, and leaves/sends letters to key folks in his life. ] Mom--
I can't say that I was exactly truthful, when I told you what I would be doing. The broad strokes -- they are still true, but the reason is probably not what you would imagine. I hated to lie to you, but I did it anyway, and I'm sorry for that. I wanted to enjoy our time together without you worrying too much about me. Please know that everything will be okay, at least as much as it ever is.
Now that you've read this, you'll understand where I've been, what I've done, and what I will be doing from now on. If anything is unclear, dad can answer. The path I've chosen is an important one, hopefully you understand that now. We were not the first, and we will not be the last. I need to look after those who will follow. This is the best way for me to do that.
Even so, know that I will be content in this life I've chosen. Things may get difficult, and I may encounter many unpleasant foes, but I feel that there is happiness to be found, all the same.
Please feel free to let others read this, if you want to. If you wish to keep it to yourself, though, I understand.
Thank you for everything. You were the best mom a kid could have asked for. I love you, and I'll miss you. I will always think of you.
[ before committing to a life in the Feywild, Ryan visits home one last time, and leaves/sends letters to key folks in his life. ] Loren --
Remember that time you strong-armed me at knife-point to be your bodyguard? It's funny, because when you write it that way, it sound like a traumatic experience, but I think I will always look back at it and laugh, and only partially because you cut your hand right afterwards. You never were very good around a blade.
That said, I will be embarking on the next part of my life's journey. I had always hoped we'd meet again, but I think that is going to be significantly less likely, as I will not be in Faerun at all anymore. I did want to say goodbye, though, and to let you know that I appreciate that you forced your way into my life and became such an important part of it.
Even if you don't realize it, I gained so much from having known you. I hope life treats you well, and perhaps by some divine chance, that we will in fact meet again. If not, please take care. And try not to cut yourself too badly.
[ before committing to a life in the Feywild, Ryan visits home one last time, and leaves/sends letters to key folks in his life. ] Dear Sage,
First, let me say that I have written this same letter to other recipients half a dozen times now, and I will write it half a dozen more if I must; it will be just as bittersweet every time. Though the time we spent together was brief, I feel as though I owe you a huge debt of gratitude, that I likely will never be able to make good on. I had hoped our paths would cross again, and perhaps by providence they will, but I am going somewhere very far away and won't have many opportunities to return.
I remember what you said that night by the fire. You told me that we human needs three things to survive: Food and water. Shelter. And love.
I've thought about those words a lot since our parting, and I have taken them to heart. And that is why I make the choice I make now. For love, for companionship, to protect those who need protecting. I don't know where I would be, had I not met you, and so I can never thank you enough.
I hope that life treats you well, and that Lathander smiles upon you in all of your travels. Please give my regards to Saya.
[ before committing to a life in the Feywild, Ryan visits home one last time, and leaves/sends letters to key folks in his life. ] Dear Asher,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. I would have loved to deliver this in person, but unfortunately I don't have the time. Even then, I debated whether to write you or not, but as dramatic as it may sound, this may very well be the last chance I have. And what is it you used to say? Nothing ventured, nothing gained? But I don't want you to worry, because I'm sure you will, even after everything. I will be going somewhere to start a new life, contact with my old life might not be possible anymore. If that ends up being the case, I wanted to make sure to say goodbye.
What happened between us was unfortunate, but I think I learned a valuable lesson, but I wish I hadn't hurt you in the process. I know what's important to me now, and that's love, and the people I love, more than chasing a ghost. (Speaking of which, and perhaps a silver lining, I did find him -- that would be a whole other letter, but I will keep it short and simple and say that I am contented with the encounter, and that he will be staying with my mother. She deserves it.)
A part of me will always love you, and that's the part of me that knows you will make someone else very happy, and have the kind of wonderful life you deserve. The kind that I couldn't have given you. Knowing that gives me more joy than anything else. I will do my best in turn to find that same happiness.
And lastly, thank you. For the time that we did have together, for taking me in that first day I arrived in Neverwinter, looking and probably smelling like a wet dog. You saw something in me that I couldn't see myself, and you took a chance. I can never fully express my gratitude, but I hope this suffices.
Personality: Ryan is a generally friendly young man who makes snap decisions about who he does and doesn't like. Usually he will have an opinion on someone after talking to them all of once. He is more forgiving towards women than he is towards men; with other men, he's prone to getting into a little alpha headbutting, but very rarely does he truly hate anyone. He doesn't have time for that. He tends towards being straightforward, honest, and open -- sometimes too open. He wears his heart on his (lack of) sleeve and really doesn't hide anything, for better or for worse. He tries to take on the role of a leader -- not necessarily the leader, but someone worth following. He values loyalty and honesty, and he can be incredibly protective.
Interests: When he's not busy on missions, Ryan is an avid reader, and likes to write in his journal, which he made himself. He learned how to bind books from his mother; he also knows how to weave and enjoys doing it to relax. He's not against a good friendly spar, but prefers hand-to-hand, despite preferring weapons in combat. He has recently started worshiping Lathander again, having done so as a child.
Backstory: Ryan left home in search of his father. He was picked up by the Archfey who forced him into competition to become their "heroes". He eventually sided with the Night fey, Valeera, when she promised that she could help him find his father. After performing several missions for her, he finds out that she's know his father the whole time. Noah is a werewolf born of the fey, and Ryan discovers his own heritage. This revelation is both surprising for him and not -- but he uses it to barter it for his father's freedom, promising that if she lets Noah return to Ryan's mother, Ryan will take his place and perform his duties. She accepted and that's his life now. Knowing that his mother will be cared for, he embraces his new role, and his fey heritage.
Abilities: Ryan is a Barbarian 10/Bard 1. His primary abilities revolve around his Rage, a state that allows him to both take and deal more damage, as well as transforming in to a man-wolf beast. Among other abilities, he can also turn into a normal wolf, and do all the things a wolf does. (Including some mighty awoos.)
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backstory
summary
Towards the end of the year, Ryan meets a rogue named Loren Graybriar. Loren is a cousin to the Cassalanter family, a Waterdhavian noble house that made their fortune in banking, money-lending, and rumor-mongering. He fled his family, finding that their methods clashed with his morals, but although he was versed in espionage and sneaking about, he lacked in terms of brute strength. He accosts Ryan on the road, demanding protection until the next city. Ryan agrees, and later lets him know that he would have helped either way.
By the time he gets back to Neverwinter, he finds that Asher has already moved on. Although Ryan understands his reasons for doing so, it leaves him feeling angry and bitter. He doubles down on his quest, and grows aggressive over the coming months, as he becomes depressed over his own failure.
relationships
Ryan shares a very close relationship with his mother. After Noah left, it was up to her to raise him, and she instilled him with all the values of the Fielding family.
Noah Fielding (father)
A werewolf from the feywild. Adopted his wife's family name upon getting married, due to the matriarchal organization of the family, and because wolves don't really have a need for human surnames. (Weirder things have happened in fantasy world.)
Loren Graybriar (lover/traveling companion)
A cousin to the Cassalanter family of Waterdeep, Loren shirked his family obligations and ran off to become an adventurer. He fell into the life of a Rogue, though always had trouble at it-- not for lack of skill, but lack of heart. He's a good boy deep down who doesn't really want to hurt people.
Asher Hoult (ex-boyfriend)
A Bard who calls Neverwinter home. Puts off a lackadaisical front, but has a deep passion for both his music and for people. His big motivation in making music is to see people smile.
writings
training with Cooper
The bow limbs creaked as Ryan drew back the string, taking aim for the target in the distance. Loosing the string and letting the arrow fly, he held the bow up for a few seconds more, as if continuing to aim would help him to hit the target. As he lowered it, he could spot the brightly-colored fletching signalling that his arrow had missed its mark and had embedded itself in a nearby tree.
"I'm sorry. It's just not clicking." Ryan looked Cooper straight in the eyes, as he often did; there was an unspoken exchange between them, and Cooper sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck.
"Alright. Then let's see about getting you a different weapon."
Ryan nodded, handing the bow back over, and fetching his wayward arrows, before heading back to the log cabin that made up his temporary home in the woods. Calling it a cabin didn't really do it much justice-- it was a spacious, three-floored affair if you included the basement, with plenty of living space, richly furnished with textiles and furniture from goodness knew where. The two of them descended together into the basement, where the bow and its arrows were placed back on a rack, and Ryan's eyes grazed over the remaining weapons.
It wasn't a particularly well-stocked armory, but it was enough to get them by. Most of it was brought back from their previous adventures, some of it dirty, much of it in need of repair. He ran his hand over the hilts of a few swords, a mace, an axe, and finally an old iron halberd, desperately in need of polishing and sharpening, but otherwise in sturdy condition. He picked it up, tested its heft; it felt good in his hands.
"What about this one?" He turned to see Cooper staring at him, rubbing his chin, brow raised in amusement.
"Your old man used a halberd too, you know." He shrugged his shoulders, shrugging away a wistful look in the process. "Not surprised you'd pick it up too. Come on, let's go get it cleaned up and give it a try."
on the road with Loren
"Oh, yeah. Very funny, let's see you juggle, huh?" Loren scoffed, but he was laughing too.
"Alright." Ryan shrugged. "Hand it here."
Loren stared incredulously for a moment, but then held the dagger out handle first. "Alright but you're probably going to hurt yourself."
Ignoring the snide comment, Ryan took the dagger, testing its weight and balance with intent. Satisfied with his appraisal, he tossed the dagger into the air and caught it by the handle as it came down again. This took a great deal of concentration and effort, but he had taken it as a challenge. He repeated this, counting out the number of tosses-- just enough to one-up Loren, before chucking it at a nearby tree, where it embedded into the bark.
"...showoff." Rolling his eyes, Loren hopped up, retrieving his dagger with some effort to pull it from the tree's trunk, then sheathed it again.
The sun had set, and the fire was going; the night was wearing on, and the crickets were chirping. Somewhere, a nightingale sang its song. Making a show of stretching, Loren doffed his gear, setting it down next to his bedroll, before turning his attention back to Ryan. Their camp was set, and there was little else to do this far out on the road, other than to enjoy each other's company. Loren, ever the opportunist that he was, had solved that problem not long after they'd started traveling together.
"Alright, you win." Loren brazenly invited himself to straddle Ryan's lap, sitting back just to watch as Ryan's head fell back in exasperation. "What, you don't want to collect your prize?"
"You are insatiable." And yet still, despite Ryan's feigned vexation, he smiled and slid his arms around Loren's waist, pulling him in closer.
"Yeah... but I think you like it."
meeting Asher
He almost didn't hear it over the rain pounding at the stones, the gentle plucking of a stringed instrument. He glanced left, then right, then finally spotted him-- a man who looked about his own age, with dark, curly hair, his green eyes illuminated by the lantern on a small table next to him. He was seated under an awning, reclining in his chair, with a guitar in his lap, and he was watching Ryan intently as he picked out the chords.
"Uh." For a moment, Ryan wasn't sure what to say. He had never been shy, but he had been caught off guard, leaving him to stammer for a moment. Collecting himself, he gave a cordial wave, and stepped in closer. "Hello, I-- I'm sorry to bother. Do you happen to know the way to the inn?"
The man smirked, strummed a chord, then pulled the guitar strap over his head and set the instrument against the nearby wall. Standing up, he came to the edge of the awning, smiling jovially at Ryan through the curtain of run-off water.
"Sure do. Closest one's about a mile and a half that way." He pointed down a side street, then shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know if I'd bother trying, though. Tourist season. Just about everywhere is booked up."
Trying desperately to avoid looking too disappointed, he nodded curtly. "Well, thank you for the advice, but I have to try. Even a stable would be better than sleeping on the street at this point. I hope you have a--"
"Now, wait a minute, I wasn't done." Ryan was halfway to turning away, when the man interrupted. "I've got a couch that no one's using. Why don't you stay here?"
"You're a stranger." Ryan was about as blunt as he was observant.
"So's the innkeeper."
The man made a point. Ryan shrugged, and turned back again. "I would appreciate it, thank you. I'm Ryan."
"Name's Asher, now come on in before you catch your death out here."
leaving Asher
They had shared Asher's one-room apartment over the hat shop for the entirety of that six months. From that rainy day when Ryan had first arrived in town, there had been an undeniable spark between them. Asher was outgoing and street-savvy, and-- at least around him-- Ryan was still the shy boy from the riverside village. He liked listening to Asher play music, while he sat on the floor weaving bracelets and baskets and whatever else he fancied.
As they were laying in bed, Asher sprawled himself across Ryan's chest as he often did, and started drawing little circles against his skin.
"Hey. Ry."
Ryan opened one eye, and tried to look down at Asher, though he couldn't see much more than a mess of curly black hair. "Hmm?"
"Been thinkin'. What if we got a real house? Or a real apartment, anyway."
"You mean... together?" That was the obvious conclusion, but Ryan was too surprised by the proposition to say much else. If he had been drifting off to sleep before, he was wide awake now.
"That's the idea, yep." Asher tilted his head up, and he was smiling broadly, though Ryan heard it in his voice first.
But Ryan hesitated, and Asher sat up, Ryan following suit. Reeling, he tried to come up with one intelligent response, but thoughts were like sand slipping through his fingers. In an instant, the little world he had built for himself had started to crumble; he had always known he wouldn't stay forever, but he had tried not to think about it too much. Asher's proposition sounded a little too much like settling down, committing to something more than just... this.
He wanted to say yes. But he couldn't.
"I'm sorry." He finally managed to croak it out, and looked over just in time to see the disappointment wash over Asher's face. In that moment, his heart broke, and he thought about changing his mind, but... no. He'd left home for a reason, and Asher already knew that. It went unspoken that he would be leaving. "I'll come back, if I can."
"How long will you be gone?" The barest trace of hope in Asher's voice that again tempted Ryan. His heart was saying stay, but his mind was saying go. He had to go with what he knew was made sense.
"I don't really know."
Asher paused for a moment, then leaned in, pressing his forehead to Ryan's temple. "I can't wait forever, but if I'm still here, then..."
He trailed off there, unsure of what to say; the implication was clear, but words weren't coming easily. And when words wouldn't come to someone like Asher, who always had a quip or witty remark ready at the drop of a hat, then Ryan was no better off.
"Are you upset?" Ryan ventured, thinking that it might have been a foregone conclusion, but that it was better to ask.
There was another long pause before Asher curled his arms around Ryan's shoulder; Ryan in turn brought a hand up to run along his arm. "Of course I am. But I'm not going to let that ruin what time we have left together."
"...thank you."
The next day, Ryan made quick work of readying himself for the next leg of his journey. He didn't need much, just provisions, and to get his halberd sharpened. He would spend one more night, his stomach still sunk into his feet as he fought against the urge to just say to hell with it, and abandon his quest. Settle down. Start a family. Live out the rest of his life here. Even still, he was awake just as the sun started to peek over the horizon, and readied to depart. There were no words as he embraced Asher, kissed his forehead, and turned to leave. He dared not look back as he made his way towards the city gates; he wasn't sure his willpower could take the blow at this point, as fragile as it was.
That feeling would fade, the farther from the city he got, and the more he got back into the swing of adventuring. But it wouldn't go away, not completely. It nagged at him, especially in the darkest recesses of the night, when he would reach over, only find nothing but dew-soaked grass. Sometimes, he would see things in the markets stalls he passed by, and he would debate buying them to bring back with him, until he remembered he didn't even know if he would be going back. He moved on quickly in those moments.
There was a time when he had a traveling partner, a hunter and his wolf companion, which is what had attracted Ryan to him in the first place, and when it turned out that they were heading in the same direction, it seemed like the natural thing to do. There was safety in numbers, after all. Ryan would find Sage was a calming influence; he was down to earth but friendly, and he had a way of understanding Ryan when he couldn't even understand himself. It was in the dark nights when they were drifting off to sleep, during those hushed conversations, that Ryan learned something about himself that he'd been missing the whole time.
By the time Ryan found himself making his way back to the city, a year and then some had passed. He wasn't even sure Asher would still be there, but he had to try, and he had to hope. Hope had always been something was good at, if nothing else. And maybe this time, he could let himself be convinced to stay, to give up his quest and find a new meaning for life right here. He was already coming back, so it wouldn't be difficult.
His feet guided him to the little shop above which he'd resided almost on their own, walking a little faster as it came into sight. He pushed open the door, the familiar jingle of the bell alerting the shop keeper that someone had arrived. The shop keep looked up, and with wide-eyed surprise, slipped out from behind the counter to greet Ryan, clapping a hand to his shoulder.
"Ryan, my boy! I didn't think I'd ever be seeing you again, what brings you back here?" And then, without missing a beat, he added, "Have you decided to finally pick up something to cover that noggin of yours?"
"Ah, no. Hats aren't really... my thing... is Asher still living here?" If Ryan had a one-track mind, it was for a good reason.
"Well of course, but he's-- ah, there he is right now!"
The bell rang again, and this time Asher walked in, and for a moment Ryan saw the smile that had charmed him in the first place, only to see it disappear and be replaced by uncertainty.
"Oh." He seemed speechless. Ryan hated when Asher was speechless; after a moment, he swallowed and went on. "Hello again, Ryan."
"Uh. Hello?" It was Ryan's turn to be stumped, unable to respond to Asher's bewilderment. He had thought the response would be... a little more enthusiastic. The shop keeper was still there, watching the two with interest, until Asher finally waved Ryan out the door again.
"Let's walk and talk," Asher suggested as soon as the door was shut behind him, and Ryan could only nod, following along as Asher started a leisurely pace down the streets. They'd walked like this so many times before, but this was different. He was quiet for a long while, and Ryan dared not interrupt that silence, waiting to see what it was that he had to say. Asher's shoulders sagged, and he shook his head. "Don't really know an easier way to say this, so I'm just gonna go ahead and say it.
"Ryan, I have... I'm seeing someone else now. What we had was special, and I'll never have that again, but I can't dedicate the rest of my life to someone I can't trust to stick around."
It made Ryan sick to hear it but... it was understandable, he knew. In a split second, he was devastated, but it was such an obvious and reasonable thing for Asher to say. He wished he'd thought of that beforehand. It was his turn to walk in prolonged silence as he tried to think of what to say. So many things came to mind at first, trying to think of the logical course of action... but his heart was telling him something else.
And he had to listen to his heart this time.
"No. You're right. It's-- you deserve everything that I can't give you, and more. I really want you to have that."
And he meant it. He was hurt, but he meant it. With each passing day and night since he'd first left, he had slowly come to the conclusion that he loved Asher, truly and deeply. It was what had made him come back in the first place. But Asher had dreams and aspirations of his owns, the kind that Ryan hadn't been able to give that to him, not at the time. Now he was ready, but Asher had moved on, and Ryan couldn't find it in himself to blame him.
They stopped at the crossroads, and taking Asher by the shoulders, Ryan kissed his forehead, and tried to smile for him, one last time.
"Just take care of yourself. Promise me you'll take care of yourself, and be happy." Ryan wasn't even sure if he had the right to ask that much, but he had to try.
"Yeah. You too, okay?"
Ryan could still see the hurt on Asher's face; knowing he could do nothing to fix it was almost too much to bear, but he held himself together. After this, they might never see each other again, for good this time, and he didn't want to end it on a sour note. He was surprised when Asher embraced him, but it was like second nature to return the gesture. They stood like that in the crossroads for a little too long, before they finally parted again. This time, as Ryan's boots clapped heavily against the pacing stones, he turned back, only to see Asher turning down a side street in a hurry.
It was the last he saw of him.
Continuing on his way, Ryan walked past an inn, then past another. He kept walking down the road until it took him out of town, and then out of sight of the guard towers, well into the forest. Passers-by would later wonder what had happened in this clearing, devoid of saplings, and the tree trunks all bearing gouges and slash marks.
Ryan was long gone by then.
in canon
summary
mechanics
His character sheet can be found here.
relationships
A generally sneaky fuck. Has a cool owl, though. Ryan has been learning to get along with them a little better.
Vellora (party member)
The only one of them who vaguely has her shit together. Likes plants and animals. Sometimes is a spider and that's okay because she's a friend.
Siggi (party member)
Somehow manages to still have an astronomically large stick up his ass even after getting laid. Ryan really wants to like him, but they always seem to find something to be at odds about.
Valeera (mistress)
Queen of the castle and a general pain in the ass. Ryan fully acknowledges, in no uncertain words, that he has agreed to be her bitch in perpetuity, and no longer gives any shits about fey tomfoolery. She might be a lich? Not sure. Don't care.
Julie (friend)
Valeera's right hand and the only wholesome creature in this whole forsaken plane. Also happens to be a floating flaming skull, don't ask. Will protect at all costs.
Kessler ((boy?)friend)
One of the very first people Ryan met in the Feywild, aside from his party members. Shared a candy apple with Ryan. It was love at first bite. Later provided Ryan with some crucial guidance that helped him settle into his new life. Their relationship has only recently become intimate; Ryan isn't 100% where they officially stand though.
Watto (chef/friend)
The castle chef. A goblin. Ryan really likes him, because he gives Ryan food. He even made a self-serve candy apple station.
Alexa (librarian/friend)
A ghost, and librarian as far as Ryan can tell. He's very thankful for the patience she shows towards them. He likes to help her out by doing heavy lifting.
writings
communing with his totem
This takes place following a spat between Ryan and Levant, as well as Ryan discovering that one of his party members, and an NPC he fancies, were on opposing factions a few hundred years ago. ]
That night, Ryan goes into the woods. Not very far, still within view of the city if he goes around a tree or two, and he just wails on some trees with his second wind. This exhausts him to the point that he has to sit down for a moment. For him, he can’t tell if he falls asleep or not, but as he’s sitting there with his back to a tree, trying to catch his breath, he spots movement out of the corner of his eyes. From between the trees, a familiar creature appears: the spectral form of a she-wolf. The wolf mother Maia approaches slowly, sits at his feet and stares at him, expectantly.
Ryan watches her cautiously for a moment. Of course, a wolf can’t speak, but every time he’s communed with his totem, it’s like he simply knows what it is she wants to communicate to him.
What is on your mind, pup? She seems to ask.
Squeezing his eyes shut, Ryan leans his head back against the tree. “So many things.”
Tell me of the man you attacked.
“He disrespected me, he disrespected my father, he-- has no respect or care for anything but himself.” Even as he says these words, he can feel the anger being replaced by exhaustion. “What do I need to do? Can I even trust him?”
You cannot distrust him yet expect him to respect or follow you.
“I know, but--”
Respect is earned. What have you done to earn it?
Ryan exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Not enough.”
And what of the two adversaries?
“I… I thought I could trust Siggi, at least. To do the right thing. To let someone’s actions now speak for who they are, not something they may or may not have done over a century ago!”
What has he done, now that he knows?
“He hasn’t said he won’t hurt him, yet.”
That is not what I asked. I asked you what he has done, not what he has not done.
Ryan knows this, and he puts his face into his hands. He doesn’t so much hear the wolf stand and move closer, so much as he feels it, and when she leans in to sniff at his hands and forehead, it’s strange and ghostly but soothing all the same. Ryan lifts a hand to stroke her coarse fur.
My kind is often regarded for our intelligence. We do not act without the best understanding we can get. His reaction does not seem so extreme to me.
Knowing that what she says is true, Ryan says nothing; she lays down next to him, and he continues to stroke her head.
The paladin. You see him as a brother in arms?
“I do.” It’s been no more than a few weeks tops, but they’ve all been through so much together. It’s hard for Ryan to not feel that way.
And the assassin. You have feelings for him?
“I'm starting to.” His heart clenches, ; given enough time, who knows? It's only a faint interest, but he’d like a chance to see it through, in any case.
You care deeply for both, more than many would in a situation like this. So lead them down the path of peace, and lead by example.
“...yes, wolf-mother. You’re right. You’re always right.”
I know, pup. Now, behind the ear, if you would.
Ryan reaches to scratch behind her ears, slowly drifting into an inky black slumber.
journal entries & letters
on identity and loyalty
When I first came here, I thought it was because I wanted to find my father. And-- of course, I still do. Of course I do. I've been thinking about it more, though. Now that I know... more. And I think about what Sage told me. There's still much more I would like to know, and I would like to find him, yes. But what I've been given, I can learn to work with it. It's a relief, but I think I might have many amends to make. That's simply how things are, and I can't pretend otherwise.
Valeera remains as hard to read as ever. I know I should not concern myself with it too much, but I can't help thinking... what's really behind that facade? She doesn't make it easy to trust her, but knowing that she wants me too gives a way far more than it seems on the surface. I don't know if she knows that or not. That's the game though, isn't it? Well. Two can play it.
Still, I have to wonder if it's a lost cause to try with her. I suppose it doesn't hurt, at this point, since I intend to stay anyway. I can't say I'm much of a people person, but then again, she's not much of a people, either. She is something else. A new challenge.
Either way, I feel that it is my duty is to those who will come after me, to look after them, to be a rock for them to anchor themselves upon. I have long been looking for some sort of purpose, and I think I have found it. I still have a lot to work on, but I feel for once that I am on the right path.
We must prepare to leave now. I'd like to write more on this later. It feels... good. To write about how I feel again. I haven't felt for a while, I think.
regarding Elric's death
final letter to his mom
Mom--
I can't say that I was exactly truthful, when I told you what I would be doing. The broad strokes -- they are still true, but the reason is probably not what you would imagine. I hated to lie to you, but I did it anyway, and I'm sorry for that. I wanted to enjoy our time together without you worrying too much about me. Please know that everything will be okay, at least as much as it ever is.
Now that you've read this, you'll understand where I've been, what I've done, and what I will be doing from now on. If anything is unclear, dad can answer. The path I've chosen is an important one, hopefully you understand that now. We were not the first, and we will not be the last. I need to look after those who will follow. This is the best way for me to do that.
Even so, know that I will be content in this life I've chosen. Things may get difficult, and I may encounter many unpleasant foes, but I feel that there is happiness to be found, all the same.
Please feel free to let others read this, if you want to. If you wish to keep it to yourself, though, I understand.
Thank you for everything. You were the best mom a kid could have asked for. I love you, and I'll miss you. I will always think of you.
Your forever loving son,
Ryan
final letter to Loren
Loren --
Remember that time you strong-armed me at knife-point to be your bodyguard? It's funny, because when you write it that way, it sound like a traumatic experience, but I think I will always look back at it and laugh, and only partially because you cut your hand right afterwards. You never were very good around a blade.
That said, I will be embarking on the next part of my life's journey. I had always hoped we'd meet again, but I think that is going to be significantly less likely, as I will not be in Faerun at all anymore. I did want to say goodbye, though, and to let you know that I appreciate that you forced your way into my life and became such an important part of it.
Even if you don't realize it, I gained so much from having known you. I hope life treats you well, and perhaps by some divine chance, that we will in fact meet again. If not, please take care. And try not to cut yourself too badly.
Best wishes,
Ryan
final letter to Sage
Dear Sage,
First, let me say that I have written this same letter to other recipients half a dozen times now, and I will write it half a dozen more if I must; it will be just as bittersweet every time. Though the time we spent together was brief, I feel as though I owe you a huge debt of gratitude, that I likely will never be able to make good on. I had hoped our paths would cross again, and perhaps by providence they will, but I am going somewhere very far away and won't have many opportunities to return.
I remember what you said that night by the fire. You told me that we human needs three things to survive: Food and water. Shelter. And love.
I've thought about those words a lot since our parting, and I have taken them to heart. And that is why I make the choice I make now. For love, for companionship, to protect those who need protecting. I don't know where I would be, had I not met you, and so I can never thank you enough.
I hope that life treats you well, and that Lathander smiles upon you in all of your travels. Please give my regards to Saya.
- Ryan
final letter to Asher
Dear Asher,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. I would have loved to deliver this in person, but unfortunately I don't have the time. Even then, I debated whether to write you or not, but as dramatic as it may sound, this may very well be the last chance I have. And what is it you used to say? Nothing ventured, nothing gained? But I don't want you to worry, because I'm sure you will, even after everything. I will be going somewhere to start a new life, contact with my old life might not be possible anymore. If that ends up being the case, I wanted to make sure to say goodbye.
What happened between us was unfortunate, but I think I learned a valuable lesson, but I wish I hadn't hurt you in the process. I know what's important to me now, and that's love, and the people I love, more than chasing a ghost. (Speaking of which, and perhaps a silver lining, I did find him -- that would be a whole other letter, but I will keep it short and simple and say that I am contented with the encounter, and that he will be staying with my mother. She deserves it.)
A part of me will always love you, and that's the part of me that knows you will make someone else very happy, and have the kind of wonderful life you deserve. The kind that I couldn't have given you. Knowing that gives me more joy than anything else. I will do my best in turn to find that same happiness.
And lastly, thank you. For the time that we did have together, for taking me in that first day I arrived in Neverwinter, looking and probably smelling like a wet dog. You saw something in me that I couldn't see myself, and you took a chance. I can never fully express my gratitude, but I hope this suffices.
I will think of you and our time together fondly.
Love always,
Ryan
tl;dr